Troll God | The Philosophy Student

 

The Evil Demon | The Philosophy Student

Agnostic Atheism | The Philosophy Student

 

After years of hoping, I've come to the conclusion that God does not exist. Furthermore, there are evil forces among us who prey on weaker ones and it's a case of 'every man for himself'. So, there is no God, there is no hope, and there is no cosmic justice.

Some of you may know that my usual stand on God is that I fall under agnosticism, particularly, agnostic theism (see picture below). This was true until this very moment, where I have lost patience with this 'God concept' as I see no definitive evidence for God. Still agnostic but now I lean towards atheism.

But wait, let's back it up a bit for some perspective.

Again, some of you may know that I was raised as a Christian, which meant that I was taught that there was a "greater power" who created us humans, as well as, the entire universe. Everything that one had to know was written in the Bible and Jesus Christ was "The Saviour" of humanity. I believed in Christianity and thought that it was "The Truth". Having said this, I also believed in science, and had an interest in it. It did not occur to me that Christianity and science weren't paired perfectly but that wasn't a problem growing up as such differences weren't really noticed by my teenage mind.

So, I was programmed to believe in a god, prayed every night, and thought that the Bible was history. Then one day, while in first year of tertiary study, I wrote an essay on the subject, 'Creationism vs Evolution'. On the one hand, my religious beliefs said this, and on the other hand, science said that. Naively, I concluded that God created evolution.

Anyway, it was at that point where I started to think for myself. While studying science, which I was enjoying, in my spare time, I read philosophy. However, there was something new to all of what was going on in my mind. For the first time, I found uncertainty and that was to have a huge impact on me in the next several years. It was because there was no certainty, and therefore, no answers, that I became depressed (plus other things were going on at the time which I may speak about in another post at some other time). I entered my existential crisis phase and so, had trouble concentrating at university due to having no meaning, no purpose, and no answers.

Even though depression had set in, I didn't give up studying right away. I did 2 years and a half of science, which gave me my foundation but then I decided that perhaps, science wasn't for me as my creative side came about wanting to play. Drawing was a natural therapeutic activity which I partook in, and by the time I decided that maybe science wasn't my desired subject, I had come out of my depression, and so I decided to study art instead. I really wanted to study philosophy but my university didn't offer philosophy. So, I enrolled in an arts course and hoped to transfer to a university that offered philosophy.

I enjoyed my first year in arts, I was quite good at it, receiving a few high distinctions in my subjects. However, once again, I was searching for answers. I began the year with good results but it didn't end well. 'Uncertainty' had once again taken the better of me.

In 2005, I was still enrolled at university but I decided that I would take that time to do my own research. That's correct - I underwent my own existential studies! This research included reading, especially philosophy, as well as, experimenting with THC, de-programming or finding new belief system/s, reflection and introspection, and most of all, thinking for myself. This would last for several years (but then again, I haven't really ceased searching).

In 2008, during my research, I had an emotional breakdown and I ended up in the hospital. I actually became unwell due to "overthinking". It would be another 2 years of introspection before a new era entered my life.

In 2010, after many years of living in the same house, we moved to another suburb. It was refreshing, like a new beginning; a second chance. Since then, I turned to my creativity and began to write projects and produce content for the Internet. I wanted to create art, I wanted to write scripts and direct films, I just wanted 'to put ideas out there'. And here I am, writing a blog post talking about how I decided I wanted to produce creative content.

Nearly 20 years have gone by since my first year at tertiary study and I am still in the same place. I may have not found definitive answers to life's biggest questions but have explored many possibilities. I have accepted uncertainty and have experienced states of peace and love that hint at a higher intelligence. However, until this very day, I'm telling myself that this may be merely an illusion for my mind to keep occupied, or better yet, to keep me sane. It is a 'false hope', if you will, to distract me from the harsh reality of life - that there is no God, and that no one is coming to save us. Like evolution, it is survival of the fittest, a savage course where everyone is potential prey.

So, how does one come to such a conclusion?

I believe that we all have a mind, or a 'soul' or 'spirit'. This mind is outside space and time while connected to your body. Dreams are actually communication with your mind within your own body (your brain). So, dreams are close to 'pure mind consciousness'. Having said that, there seems to be 'controllers' or 'creators' of dreams 'out there' somewhere. In other words, my own mind may not be creating my dreams but rather other 'forces'. One could think of dreams as existing in the 'Astral dimension', or the 5th dimension, and that is a place where anything can happen.

It has also been stated that there are light beings of pure goodness but also that there are evil forces of darkness. 'Tricksters' are such evil entities that prey on your fears in your dreams. In dreams, or nightmares, evil seems unstoppable. I have experienced demons and creatures that know no limit with no escape from them until I wake up. But what if I was unable to wake from such nightmares? How would I escape such forces? In other words, if dreams were similar to the pure states of the mind, how can I defeat evil forces?

The world, society and people in it in the waking reality that is this life on this planet, may have copious amount of things that are wrong, unethical, inappropriate or just plain evil with injustice prevailing but that is nowhere near as terrifying as the injustices that I've experienced in my dreams. Evil entities exist and there's nothing I can do to stop them.

So, where is God in all of this?

Nowhere, because God does not exist.